he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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