Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
