he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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