I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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