Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
