yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
