Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
