Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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