guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
