The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
