Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
