The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
