I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
