Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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