those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
