he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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