i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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