I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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