he shaved USA in his pubs
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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