I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i think im in europe. pls send help
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
