She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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