I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
