Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You were trust falling into bushes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
