If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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