How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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