I am puke
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
