There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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