bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
