he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
