I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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