What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
