My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
