Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
