Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
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I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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