i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
