You're completely useless in the revolution.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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