It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
