How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
