Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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