I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
