Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
