literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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