we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
