just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
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I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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