Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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