I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
