I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
