so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When did angry sex become our thing?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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