508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
