so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just made out with a guy for $7.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
