I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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