Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
