Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
