i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
