Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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