What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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