i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
