Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
