RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
