ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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