did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
