Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
