would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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