He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
