she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
