he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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