We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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