Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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