There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
