do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
