..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
