As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
