i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
