She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
