There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
