It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
