Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
