I'll bet she douches with gravy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
