Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
