i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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