Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
